The Gaming Den

Since my life sucks right now and law school is killing me, I thought I would try to remember some of the funniest cases I have been exposed to in law school. Since I believe in sharing the love, let me show you excerpts from my top 4.

EDIT: All quotes were taken from the official court opinions. They were written by the judge.

Bradshaw v. Unity Marine Corp., Inc.

This should have been a rather routine worker’s compensation case. However, it seems the attorneys for both sides were slightly negligent…

Before proceeding further, the Court notes that this case involves two extremely likable lawyers, who have together delivered some of the most amateurish pleadings ever to cross the hallowed causeway into Galveston, an effort which leads the Court to surmise but one plausible explanation. Both attorneys have obviously entered into a secret pact-complete with hats, handshakes and cryptic words-to draft their pleadings entirely in crayon on the back sides of gravy-stained paper place mats, in the hope that the Court would be so charmed by their child-like efforts that their utter dearth of legal authorities in their briefing would go unnoticed. Whatever actually occurred, the Court is now faced with the daunting task of deciphering their submissions. With Big Chief tablet readied, thick black pencil in hand, and a devil-may-care laugh in the face of death, life on the razor's edge sense of exhilaration, the Court begins.

Washington v. Alaimo

This case arose when a prisoner began filing motions to entertain himself while in jail. I think I’ll let it speak for itself…

The motion which Plaintiff filed was entitled “Motion to Kiss My Ass” (Doc. 107) in which he moved “all Americans at large and one corrupt Judge Smith [to] kiss my got [sic] damn ass sorry mother fucker you.”

Rankin v. Rankin

This one's from way back in the era of fault based divorce. Now we all know that physically abusing your spouse would be cause for divorce, but what happens when both spouses abuse each other? This court ruled that since both parties were at fault the divorce could not go through. BEST LEGAL REASONING EVAR!


Stambovsky v. Ackley

Does a real estate agent have duty to inform the buyer of the fact that the house they are selling is believed to be haunted? Here is what one New York judge has to say. See if you can spot something interesting in the delivery.

While I agree with Supreme Court that the real estate broker, as agent for the seller, is under no duty to disclose to a potential buyer the phantasmal reputation of the premises and that, in his pursuit of a legal remedy for fraudulent misrepresentation against the seller, plaintiff hasn't a ghost of a chance , I am nevertheless moved by the spirit of equity to allow the buyer to seek rescission of the contract of sale and recovery of his downpayment. New York law fails to recognize any remedy for damages incurred as a result of the seller's mere silence, applying instead the strict rule of caveat emptor. Therefore, the theoretical basis for granting relief, even under the extraordinary facts of this case, is elusive if not ephemeral.

Can you add to each thing who is actually doing the writing? I think the first was the judge on the case, but who was writing the last?

They were all written by the judge. I edited the post to make that clear.

Here's one I came upon today:

Ohio Div. Of Wildlife v. Clifton

The court hereby announces a pearl,
It's sometimes OK to have a squirrel.
The legislature did a statute create,
The Wildlife Division obviously did not equate.
The necessity to be kind, thorough and specific,
The lack of these is legally terrific.
The result is this very short epistle,
The defendant/squirrel is granted a dismissal.

I've been called up for jury duty twice, and although I've never been selected, I got to hear case descriptions. Despite my lawyer friends warning me that most cases are mind-numbingly boring, both cases I could have been chosen for actually seemed quite interesting.

The first was a screwball civil suit involving the hilarious misuse of an ultralight aircraft. Both the plaintiff and the defendant looked like David Cross. I was not sure I could have remained composed in that courtroom.

The second was like a Law & Order case. It was a criminal case for multiple counts of murder and attempted murder, a gang-related drive-by, I think. The case had been tried like 10 years ago and someone had been convicted and imprisoned, then later exonerated and released, and the State was going after likely suspect #2. Witnesses were coming in from out of the country, and the list of names they read to make sure we had no connection with them was like 150 people. I was actually a little disappointed not to be on that jury.

I used to work for the family courts, and as part of that I was designing a new technology courtoom thingy, details are irrelevant. As part of that, I sat in on a bunch of cases, most were boring and depressiong, but one was like watching a jerry springer episode.

From what I gathered before I had to hustle out of the courtoom before cracking up, the father was trying to get sole custody, because the mother had remarried, was sleeping with her step son in a sexually abusive relationship, and was doing this in front of the kids.

Awesome!

And the stepkid was like a dope smoker or something. It was seriously springer tastic, especially when the father's barrister is talking about the details in this very dry voice.